MusicisLove

Day 20: The last argument I had, was yesterday morning with my mother because she was being ridiculous.

Day 21: Something that you can’t get over.

Some of these questions stink but some are good and hard to answer. I guess my past in a way. They say that women date the same people over and over again. Unfortunately when I go over my pass I realize this is true. Less than a week ago I saw a stage crash down and felt what it was to feel the need to run for my life. I didn’t know what was exactly happening over my shoulder…I didn’t know if pieces of that stage were going to come flying at me I had no idea. 

I didn’t have a life flash before my life moment it was more like a every person I cared about went through my head for a second. I can honestly say none of those guys that I can’t seem to let go were in that bunch of people. My mom, my closest friends, my nieces n nephew, my brother n his wife, my sis, my dad, my grandma, my family, and my boys went through my head. 

Not those guys that broke me over and over for the last several years. Sunday night when I really sat there and every thing hit me. So many people contacted me to make sure I was ok, even people I have only known a few months. I mean I can honestly say at least fifty people went out of their way to contact me in the first 24 hours even knowing I was ok. That’s a pretty significant number of people. That really means a lot and hits you…lets you know that you’re doing something right. 

Even so you can’t help but let your mind go to those that didn’t call. There are a few I didn’t expect to call….but there is one that I would have thought would have been one of the first to contact me. Even though he didn’t go thru my mind. So I guess that thing I can’t let go of its my past of dumb men and the ones that are most recent. Although I know I need to….

“If I said I was truly over you,
My heart would say amen,
But I give in to the cold caress of 2AM.

If I admit I can’t get use to this…
Will my heart break again as I fall…
Into the waiting arms of 2AM.” 

Honestly I don’t know if I have a physical type.

I use to have two very distinct taste. One was tall and lanky, maybe even a little on the dorky side. Then it became short, little and scenester….at least that’s what my first love was. 

My second love was nothing like the first, in every aspect he was a rap fan and not my physical type at all. He was kind of the odd one. Third one was kind of like a mixture of the two. Short slightly stocky likes rap and indi music. So smart.

There is a type of person I am attracted to. I am attracted to intelligence. If you can introduce me to a band I don’t know about, and they’re good its amazing. I love finding new music.. I love art, my art is writing/photography and I am a words feign. If you can find a way to say something profound simply I think that is beautiful. I love it when a guy reads. 

More importantly I like someone who is sweet, caring, kind, has faith and belief. Above all else someone I can sit with for hours and do nothing. Someone who makes me laugh and smile. 

Someone I can’t stop thinking about.

Since that last post turned into a post about Indianpolis music scene. I feel like I copped out. 

Besides Indianapolis’s music scene and IndyConcerts.com. I have changed as a person. I grew up a lot in the last few years. 

I learned to stop letting things you can’t change rule your life.

I learned to let go of the hurt, and accept things for what they are.

I learned to be strong.

I learned to be almost too independent.

I learned that although my heart lies in Chesterton and I will always love my friends that I have to follow my dreams and live my life.

I actually got really close to my family.

I learned that my faith is unyielding.

I learned that anything you want in life you can have…if you work hard and go after it.

I learned that you have to make sacrifices in life and decisions based on what you truly want.

I learned that although one day I hope to find love, that I don’t have to have someone to be happy.

I learned that for some people marriage and kids is important. For me its following my dreams.

I learned that no matter how much your parents messed up, no matter how much they made your life hard. They did what they knew to do, they loved you the way they knew how.

That if you learn anything from your parents you learn to be better.

I learned that love can exist in many forms.

I learned that belief really does get us there.

I learned that some people are just hard to let go and some people you have to.

I learned that just because your friends are amazing doesn’t mean there isn’t room for new people to encompass your life.

I learned that life is made up of moments, that this world is what you make it.

That you truly do write your own life story.

That the only thing holding you back from achieving greatness is yourself.

You can’t blame your parents, or your friends or the things life throws your way. You control your life, you make your decisions and you get to choose what you fight for.